Finding Out

It has been almost 2 weeks since I found out that I have a mass in my esophagus. I expected that the dr would find that my esophagus was inflamed and put a balloon down there and open it all up and I'd be just fine. Instead I woke up to the news that I could potentially have cancer.

It has been a week since I found out that I do have cancer.

It has been a roller coaster ever since.

I have good days and bad days; brave days and scared days; days when I'm terrified to lose my hair and days when I'm looking forward to a new head of hair. It is en experience in losing a good deal of control and of contrasts.

I meet with the oncologist this afternoon so I'll know more about my treatment....but at this point it seems that I will be going through 6-8 weeks of chemo and radiation to shrink the tumor so that they can remove it with a minimum of impact to my esophagus and stomach.

I am SO looking forward to dinner with friends tonite at Royal India. We haven't had Indian food for a long time...and I don't know when I'll get Indian again once all this starts.

I am so grateful for all of my friends and family who have been such bastians of hope and positive thoughts so far. I am always grateful for any and all prayers as I'm sure I will need all the help I can get through this difficult time.

I have had a couple of great pieces of advice since this all started.

First was from Mike Lea at NREL in Golden, CO. He told me that when I begin having bad or sad thoughts that I should just hit escape, escape and start with a new set of thoughts. Us computer people totally understand that! Thank you, Mike.

My Brother-in-Law, Daryl, told me to just make lemonade no matter what happens. His wife is a breast cancer survivor so he knows what he's talking about.

My friend Cynthia Griffin, a breast cancer survivor, has been a great resource of information, insight and support.

I am terrified and hopeful at the same time. I am so grateful for my wonderful husband who is like a rock and tells me it will all be okay and knows just how to hold me and make me feel terrific. I am so grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ and for the hope it brings to my life.