Monday, November 30, 2009

Tomorrow's the Day

Well, it's here....surgery has finally arrived and tomorrow is the day. I am feeling some better about things and really trying to focus on getting to recovery and getting on with my life and my 'new normal'.

I have so appreciated the kind thoughts, the prayers, the well wishes, and the love that has been sent my way over the last several months. I'm sure I couldn't have survived this nearly as well without the love of family and friends.

There is still so much to do this evening I don't hardly know where to begin. I guess I just need to take each step as it comes and get it done before moving on to the next task.

I will be out of commission for the next several weeks...but I'll be back to the blog as soon as I can.

Thank you all again for the kind thoughts and the love.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Tough News

Well, it's now Tuesday night. My younger brother and his family and are coming for Thanksgiving. It has been fun getting ready for their visit. Ken is working from home this week and next week. It is always nice to have Ken at home.

Saw the surgeon last week and got some very difficult news as he described the surgery that I will have next week. I cried for several days. My life will change after surgery. They will have to remove a good portion of my stomach through one large incision, then remove a good portion of my esophagus and stretch what's left of my stomach up to create a new esophagus through another large incision. I am horrified and terrified. There will not be much stomach left and I will have to adopt a 'grazing' lifestyle and eat little bits throughout the day. After a lifetime of dieting it will be a huge change!

I am feeling a good deal better about everything now....I just want to get on with it and get to recovery. I will be in the hospital for close to 10 days with a few days in the ICU to start. I guess the worst of the recovery process can't last as long as chemo and radiation and the recovery from that...and I've been living in pain every day and have difficulty eating every day...and I cry pretty much every day because of how much I hurt. The surgery recovery can't be 13 weeks long....it just can't be!

So - I'm one week from surgery, still frightened, but looking forward to a life without pain.

More later.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Friday Night

Well, it's Friday night and we are watching football. It's just nice to relax with Ken...whatever we do.

Had all my re-tests this week. I am glad they are all over with. The PET/CT showed good results in the death of the tumor...it has been radiated and chemically altered and it is dead and dying. The tumor didn't shrink too terribly much, but the Dr reminded me that this particular type of cancer is very slow to shrink. There could be more shrinking...but mostly the good news is there is absolutely no spread to any other organs and the lymph nodes are clear. Apparently while they are doing radiation and chemo the cancer can actually spread....but we had none of that. According to both oncologists we are good to go for surgery.

Appointment with the surgeon next week.
Trying to keep the stomach pain in check.
Enjoying time with Ken.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Why Does Getting Better Take So Long?

So I've had a bit of a setback. My stomach is back to hurting whenever I eat. I doesn't matter what I eat....it just hurts. DANG! I am hoping it is just a normal part of the healing process...but it is sure discouraging.

Ken and I went to Lewiston, ID last weekend and took a beautiful drive from there on Saturday across highway 12 to Lowell and then onto a gravel road and then over a summit on 4-wheel-drive roads to Elk City. Gorgeous! I plan to post pictures on Facebook, but the internet connection from here in WA is kind of hit-and-miss so I'll have to post picture on FB and here after I get home.

Big tests next week. I have tests Tuesday and Wednesday and Dr appts Thursday and Friday. More importantly - I have hair appts Tuesday and Thursday....my roots are TERRIBLE!

Planning to leave around 10a tomorrow to get to Pocatello. It has been great to spend such a wonderful amount of time with Ken. I love being here when he gets home from work and eating dinner with him, making his breakfast in the morning, and snuggling before drifting off to sleep. I will definitely miss all that as we get back to 'business as usual'.

I am worried about what the tests will show...but I have faith and I am trying to be brave. This gets scarier as we move into a new phase. I am in awe of people who have cancer who have to endure multiple rounds of chemo and/or radiation. They are made of tougher stuff than I am.

Here's to more better days!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

A Love Affair with Flavor

I am having a love affair with flavor.

Yesterday was Ken's birthday and we went out for Mexican food. I was worried about my first bite of chips and salsa....but it was HEAVEN! I can't explain the explosion of flavor that hapened in my mouth and throughout my entire body. I almost wanted to cry. The only way to experience it is to swear off of all flavorful food for 8 weeks and eat only bland food....the most flavorful being chicken noodle soup....and then don't eat very much of anything....especially seasoning. Eat lots of soda crackers, ritz crackers, cream of wheat and rice krispies....that's it for 8 weeks. Throw in some daily severe nausea just for good measure..... THEN, have a chip with salsa. OH MY GOSH! You all don't know how good food tastes. I'm sure you take it all for granted, like I used to, but I am having a great time discovering food all over again!

(Just for the record - my stomach isn't exactly happy about my Mexican food fiesta last night...but I'm okay with the little extra pain that I'm feeling. It was SO worth it!)

Wanted to say "Thank You" for the blog comments. I do enjoy reading them....and it feels great knowing there are friends who are interested. So - thank you.

Having great days now....better every day. I still have some pain when I eat and a little nausea during the day, but it is so much less than it used to be. I can even say that I feel better than I did a week ago - I feel better than I did 3 days ago!

I have all my re-tests coming up in a few weeks. I'm hoping the cancer is so small and so 'gone' that they actually question whether they need to do surgery...and that if/when they do decide to do surgery that they can do it laproscopically to lessen the complexity, the scars and the hospital time.

Here's to better days...

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Recuperating in WA

Okay - I'm going to try this again. I'm on a slow-ish connection and I tried this once but it didn't post. Dang it!

I am in Tri-Cities WA doing the rest of my recovery. Ken and I drove up on Sunday. I am so grateful that we changed Ken's travel schedule so that he could drive up with me...and he'll drive back with me as well. There is just no way I could have made it alone. I think I slept 1/3 of the way. One cool thing - we stopped in Boise for lunch at a Wendy's near the Boise State stadium. I really wanted to go and see the smurf turf for myself....but I was able to control myself. Probably wouldn't have been anyone there on a Sunday afternoon to show me the blue grass!

Didn't do much yesterday....just tried to relax and enjoy. I might make it to the grocery store for an 'outing' today...but you never really know. I plan to do something and then I just don't make it because I get tired. I'll be SO glad when I feel better.

I am 1 1/2 weeks past radiation and chemo so I've passed the "3-days-after-you'll-begin-to-feel-better" milestone and I'm headed right for the "2-weeks-after-you'll-begin-to-feel-much-better" milestone.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Chicken Soup

Having Chicken Noodle Soup for dinner. Mmm, mmm good! (Actually I'm mostly having the broth and the little chicken pieces....) There's just so little I can eat and feel good about since my esophagus and my stomach have been blasted!

I'm getting sick of sitting around watching movies, which is probably a good sign. I am so grateful when my sister, Laura, gets me out of the house for a few minutes or comes by to distract me for a little bit. That helps my day. Today was a quick Costco run for a flatiron. It turned out that I really needed to go to Costco because after we got the flatiron and Laura and Bethany on their way, I went back inside and spent over $100!

Going to Washington to spend a few weeks with Ken next week. Probably leaving on Sunday. It will be SO nice to spend a few weeks together just being normal. I miss Ken so much when we have to be apart....this'll be a nice respite from the loneliness.

Here's to healing. Just wish it happened a little bit faster.....

Saturday, October 10, 2009

It's Over and it's harder than I thought....

Well - treatment is done. If I could muster the energy, I'd jump up and down with excitement.

I have never felt worse in my life. I thought Bell's Palsy was the worst thing I had ever been through in my life (that was 17 years ago now)....but this beats anything I've ever dealt with.

I can hardly eat or drink without getting sick. I eat very little tiny bits and 'drink' ice chips. My stomach convulses several times each day.

My radiation doc says about 3 days after treatments end I should begin to tell that I'm starting to feel better....but I won't really feel better for 2 weeks.

I keep waiting for a day when I feel halfway okay to update this blog....but I haven't had one for awhile.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Counting Down....

It's Monday and I now have only 9 more radiation treatments to go. THAT is exciting. The End Day is Friday 10/9 --- that's the day everything ends - radiation ends, the chemo pump comes off, the picc line comes out....everything is over --- except the recovering. I feel like I'm really on the downhill slide but I know there is still more to go.

Tomorrow I have my last chemo infusion. I'm kinda frightened about that as the side effects were worse with the 2nd infusion and I don't know how I'll be able to handle even worse side effects. I'm just praying and hoping that it'll be tolerable and that I'll get through this treatment at least like the last one. Dr. Lee said I may even tolerate it better....but I'm not getting my hopes up.

Had a wonderful dinner with friends last night. We all met over at Elaine's new house and she cooked dinner for us. It was fabulous! Ann, Lisa, Jo Ann, Sylvia and Clint, Elaine, and Ken and I. Elaine even remembered to order a birthday cake for the August bday girls since that was the reason for the get-together. So much fun! I think I've said this before, but it is wonderful to have friends whom you've known for almost 20 years....it's really amazing.

Well, I went back over to Gardner Village after treatment today. I seem to love Gardner Village since I've been there like 4 times in 3 weeks. The halloween decorations are fantastic and the 'stuff' is great. I went to Pine Needles shop today....boy it's a good thing we didn't go in there when Cheryl and Donna came down ----- so many cute needlework items. I ended up buying a pattern .... but I could have bought more than just the one.

I have more crocheting to do....but it's hard to crochet when my head is always spinning and my stomach is always in knots. I need to get moving though if I'm going to finish Bethany's afghan and get Evie's afghan going and done before her birthday in February.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Almost "Hump Day"

Well - another week of treatment is finished. 3 down; 3 to go. Hump Day for chemo is Sunday, radiation hump day is Monday. I am excited to be mid-way through this experience...but thinking about future treatments is still somewhat frightening.

I had my 2nd chemo treatment this past Tuesday and I was very concerned that the side effects would be much worse than the first treatment. I was right and I was wrong. The side effects were definitely more pronounced this time around, but I haven't been laying on the couch all day every day dealing with them either.

I think the bigger issue for me this week is the effects of the radiation. Since they are radiating my esophagus and my stomach, there is now quite a bit of irritation. I am having trouble drinking water as it burns on the way down; I am starting to cough more, which I'm sure is from the irritation; I never really feel like eating...so I don't -- which isn't good. I have to find a way to eat better or else I'm gonna have to have IV nutrition. I'm pretty sure that will be pretty icky!

I'd say I'm looking forward to next week so that I can be on the mend, but since the most difficulty seems to be coming from the radiation I don't think I'll get much relief.

A little worried about the swine flu --- oops, sorry - the H1N1 virus. The vaccine isn't going to be out until early to mid October and my treatments are supposed to end on Oct 9th. I have to find out how concerned I will need to be about getting any kind of vaccine since my immune system will be compromised. The Dr said I may not have to get a flu shot...which I think would be awesome. I'm trying to stay away from crowded places. I only go to Sacrament Meetings on Sundays and don't stay for the other 2 hours of church. Ken says there are just too many kids and too many chances to get sick....so we go for the first hour and then get on home. I'm usually pretty 'done for' by then anyway. I usually end up with a pretty good headache and am in a down mood by the time Sunday afternoon rolls around.

I think I'm really beginning to learn some important things for my life going forward. I have been trying to keep my heart and mind open to what it is that Heavenly Father wants me to learn during this process. It's funny how some of the lessons begin in a very self-centered way and then, if I'm open and really want to learn, the lesson can enlarge from there. I'll have more to say on this later as I begin to make more sense of what I'm feeling and what I think I'm learning....stay tuned.

Almost time for bed...which is actually pretty funny since I've had about 2 hours of nap time today!!!

Saturday, September 12, 2009

9/12

Today is Saturday, 9/12.
Do you remember how you felt on 9/12/2001?
Do you remember the feeling of unity we all felt after the terrible attacks of 9/11? I wish we still had that.
Do you remember seeing the flag flying on every lawn and every house? I wish we still had that, too.
We will have our flags out (the American flag and our 'Don't Tread On Me' flag).
We had planned to be in Washington, DC for the 9/12 March on Washington, but this illness has derailed those plans. We will, however be there in spirit and we'll be watching on FoxNews as Glenn Beck covers the 'action'. The 9/12 Project is his project after all. You can go to the website --- www.the912project.com --- and join your voice to the hundreds of thousands already part of the group.

It has been an interesting week. Some really bad days this week with nausea and pain. I think we got it all figured out, tho, as far as what I need to do/not do, take/not take in order to feel okay most of the time. Having my Mom here with me during the week has been great, tho. Even though I know I drive her completely nuts, it's been nice to know someone is here helping me and caring about me.

Next week I get another chemo treatment - my 2nd of 3. I am anxious about what the side effects will be with the 2nd treatment. They say the side effects can grow with each treatment. So - not really looking forward to that --- but I am looking forward to having this tumor shrink and being just another milestone closer to getting better.

Mom and I built 3 construction paper chains this week. One chain is for my radiation treatments - only 20 left (I know that sounds like a lot - but I've already had 8 treatments). Another chain is for the chemo. Since I have chemo 24/7 in a pump, it's an everyday-until-October-13th chain. I have 32 days to go on that (including today). The last chain is for how many days until I can have a Dr. Pepper!!! I don't drink a lot of soda or a lot of caffeine...but I am craving a Dr. Pepper and carbonation isn't at all good on my stomach right now. On Ken's BDay (10/26) I am targeting to have a BIG Dr. Pepper!

We are also planning a couple of trips. I'd like to try to get down to Vegas during my 'recovery' period and see Terry Fator at the Mirage. I don't even care that it'll cost about $500 for rooms and tickets. Then we want to go down to Baton Rouge and take a side trip to Destin, FL in February or March. I could stand to hang out on the beach for a few days. If we can swing it, we might even try to get to Cancun!!!! Ken isn't a beach person...but he'd do it for me!!! And, we'll plan a trip to the Candian Rockies for the summer. If you've never been there, I highly recommend it!!!

Okay - on to College Football Saturday!!! Go Cougars! Geaux Tigers!

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Cheese Fries

It's Saturday afternoon and Ken and I just stopped at the Training Table and had some cheese fries. I LOVE THEM! It's amazing that I can eat french fries (and dipping sauce) and have almost no issues after eating them....not so with just about any other food. Yesterday it was sweet potato fries at Rumbi -- another terrific treat!

I am so glad that a week(ish) of treatment is behind me. 4 days down, 4 days next week (because of the holiday on Monday) and then 4 weeks of 5-days of radiation treatments. I think the 5-day weeks will be difficult because there won't be as much recovery time on the weekends. BUT, I'd rather go ahead and get it over with....I think.

Yesterday was difficult because my stomach seems to be hurting more after 4 radiation treatments...but today I feel much better. I'm hoping to just keep feeling better and better as the weekend continues.

I have had more incidents of stomach upset as the week has gone on. Hard for me to tell whether it's the chemo, the radiation, or a combination of both. Dr's say that I should begin to feel better after this next week as the tumor begins to shrink. I'll be grateful for that...

Ken is home for the long weekend. He came home Thursday night and won't leave until Tuesday morning. It will be SO very nice to have him home for extra time this weekend. Like I've said before, everything - and I mean everything - seems better when Ken is home. I seem to be more emotional than normal...but I guess that's to be expected.

I have been telling Ken all the things I want us to do once I get better. I want to go dancing at least once/month. We never go dancing - we just don't have time. I want that to change. I want us to go to an LSU game every year and then spend a week in Destin. We love going to Baton Rouge, we love LSU, and we love Destin. Seems like a no brainer. But, again - we just don't always seem to have or make the time. I want that to change. I want to quit wasting time and quit squandering opportunities to enjoy my life. It really is too short.

Tonight is the BYU-Oklahoma game and then LSU-Washington! Yes, it is college football season and my husband is very happy. Our friends, Clint and Sylvia, are coming over to watch the games. We'll grill steaks and corn-on-the-cob and even grill some pineapple. I'll only be able to have a few bites....but I'm sure I'll eat just fine. It's always wonderful to have friends over to share dinner and football. Hopefully both games will be good and our teams will be victorious. It's not probable that BYU will beat Oklahoma...but it is possible -- and we'll hold on to that. LSU shouldn't have any problems with Washington - but I'd hate to jinx anything.

Geaux Tigers!!!

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

First Day of Treatment

Well, I've survived the first day of treatment....so far. I had chemo this morning and then went on to Radiation therapy. Didn't feel a thing at either appt. Today's radiation was longer than it will normally be as they had to be sure everything was lined up properly and the radiation was focused accurately. The treatment itself was only about 5 minutes long...

Tomorrow is another radiation treatment. I'll have 28 in all -- 27 remaining.

They say the cumulative effect of both the radiation and the chemo is what eventually wears you down...not looking forward to that at all!!!

So, I've been scoped, scanned, poked, prodded, mapped and tattooed. But, I am so glad things have finally started...that means I am closer to recovering. I'm looking forward to the holiday season to achieve full recovery from everything - chemo, radiation and surgery.

Ken and I are planning join my roommates from my freshman year at BYU for a reunion....a 30 year reunion!!!....in January of next year. We (the roommates) all met at Deseret Towers in the fall of 1979. Some days it seems like just yesterday. I was only 16 when we all met. I've seen Sharon and Marian recently and Laurie lives in our old ward in Sandy. I haven't seen LynAnn or Bonnie for ages! The other great thing is this reunion gives me something to look forward to...another positive for the future.

Been reading a whole lot, too. I am really enjoying the 2 most recent novels by Daniel Silva - 'Moscow Rules' and 'The Defector'. I highly recommend them both. Mom is reading 'Moscow Rules' now and seems to be really enjoying it. I have only 60 pages left of 'The Defector'. Ken is reading one of the earlier novels, 'The English Assassin'. We plan to buy all of his novels....luckily the older ones are in paperback.

Another great read is The Great and Terrible series by Chris Stewart. Deseret Book is having a sale on the 6-book set. If you haven't read this series, Ken and I highly recommend it!!!!

I have also started crocheting my niece, Bethany's afghan. I still have to finish putting the finishing touches on my niece, Kirstie's afghan, and my niece, Evie, wants an afghan as well. It looks like I have plenty to keep me busy. And, if I run out of things to do, my nephew, Jeremy, has picked out the afghan he wants as well.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Finally Friday!

I am so glad it is Friday...finally! What a week it has been. Ken will be home in about 3 hours and then I can actually relax from this week.

It has been a week of ups and downs for certain. Yesterday was especially tough for some reason...I just felt on the verge of tears the entire day. I think there are just so many unknowns still...and I don't deal with unknowns very well.

My Sister-in-Law came by yesterday which was the highlight of my day. She brought Kelsey's quilt that she had finished and came by with some of her friends that she met in Nauvoo. Thanks, Donna, for brightening my day!!!

I saw the Radiation Oncologist today....and he is wonderful!!!! How did we get so many terrific dr's in one area? We are blessed. Anyway, Dr. Lee was so kind and helpful and he didn't talk down to me like I didn't know what was going on --- he treated me like I knew exactly what was going on and I asked questions where I needed to. AND...he had answers. He didn'tneed to ask any other Dr about anything -- he knew the answers about the medications that would be in my chemo, how many sessions of radiation they were planning, when we'd begin, how long I'd need to recover after the radiation/chemo ended before I could have surgery....he was a veritable fountain of knowledge....and I loved it!!!!

I got tattooed today as well. 3 little purple freckles. Pretty sexy, huh? I wonder what Ken will think...

My big unknown at this point is how I will react to the chemo and radiation. That seems to be the big question mark for everyone. I have heard from every Dr that no two people react the same. Two people can have the same cancer and get the same chemo treatment and react differently. So here's to hoping that I'll handle it all so awesomely!!!

So.....I'm back to starting treatment on Tuesday rather than Monday....but I'm okay with that. Monday will be a tough enough day getting the picc line. Tuesday at 11:30a I start chemo and then 3:15p for the radiation. I'm ready!!!! (i think)

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Wednesday - 5 days and counting....

Okay - I start treatment on Monday, 8/31 and not on Tuesday, 9/1. That's good because I am really antsy to get things moving along. The sooner we get started, the sooner I get done.

I had a wonderful conversation with the Dr Monday evening. He is so wonderful - Dr Whisenant. Anyway, I had called about a Phase 3 trial going on up at Huntsman Cancer Institute to find out if I should be part of that or not and it turns out it isn't the right trial for me. But....Dr. W. said they just ended a trial last year that seemed to work at least as well as the conventional treatment if not better. At least, it worked better in the 5 patients they treated with it. I like it!

The difference in the treatments is the chemo. In the conventional treatment I would have chemo M-F the first week and then again 4 weeks later. In the NEW treatment, I have 24/7 chemo for all 6 weeks in lower doses which reduces the side effects. I'm all for reducing the side effects. So --- while I'm sure it still won't be easy, I'm looking forward to not having violent side effects.

I found out what a 'picc' line is yesterday and it about sent me into orbit. Okay, it did send me into orbit. I thought it was just a really cool, long-term IV. OH NO! It's a deep vein IV that threads to an artery near the heart! I about passed out! It's funny the things that send us over the edge. You'd think I'd be more freaked out about the chemo and radiation and not the IV.

I'm liking my short hair cut and I got the blonde put back in it last night. Thank you so much to my wonderful hairdresser, Michael Hovey, for rearranging his schedule yesterday to fit me in. He's been doing my hair for almost 20 years and I consider him a good friend. I'll have to get pics of me pre-treatment and post them.

So - another good day so far. Chemo class this afternoon and probably a stop at Dillard's for some makeup.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

It's a Good Day!

I thought I'd post on a good day as often as I can.

Today was a good day - actually a great day - because I got to spend the whole day with Ken. Everything looks brighter when I'm with Ken - whether we're home in Utah or elsewhere. I will look forward to every weekend while I go through all of this because I know that no matter how the week has been, good or bad, it will just be better when Ken is home on the weekend!

I had an interesting experience at the grocery store this evening. I had to run out to get a couple of things that I had forgotten and I realized how anonymous I was at the grocery store and how no one there knew what trial I was getting ready to face. No one told me they were sorry or asked how I was. Here's the interesting part....I began to wonder how many of those other people that I didn't know were going through something traumatic in their lives? I wondered how many people in that store needed sympathy or empathy or a caring word? I don't know how you know by looking at a total stronger in the frozen foods....but perhaps we could all take just a second and wonder what trial others are going through....because we all have to have something. No one gets through this life without trials....

I have been very blessed with wonderful friends. I had a great talk with our realtor who is a dear friend of ours and knows of what she speaks when it comes to cancer. She gave me such terrific advice on dealing with cancer and treatments and told me her stories that gave me such hope and courage. Thank you, Joyce!

I'm looking forward to another great day tomorrow.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Good Food & Good Friends

It's Friday morning and I'm feeling fantastic! Ken is home, which always helps, and the day is bright and sunny.

I had a WONDERFUL time with my friends last night at Royal India. It's wonderful to have friends who have been your friends for almost 20 years. We ate great food, talked, and laughed our butts off! I really needed that. We have had some great times over the years....and here's to lots more to come! Thanks to Elaine, Ann, Jo Ann, Sylvia and Clint. (They wanted to see their names in my blog!)

Had a great appt with the Oncologist yesterday. We now have a game plan....a tough game plan....but a plan all the same. I function WAY better when there is a plan. I have 5-6 weeks of radiation (M-F) with the 1st and the 4th weeks involving chemo therapy. Dr. says that once that 2nd round of chemo kicks in it is going to be really rough going for 2-4 weeks. After all of that, then I recover for 2-6 weeks (or whatever I need) so that I can have surgery. So....it sounds like there won't be much partying at the Byington house this year. Well - folks can party as long as I don't have to do anything!!!

Radiation begins 9/1 so I have a week to kind of relax. I have to meet with the radiation oncologist to get my tattoos to they know where to do all the radiation and stuff. That seems to be all for next week.

So glad it's the weekend and my sweetie is home with me. So grateful for the plan that is in place. Like Ken says - the worst thing we can do is nothing. I'm not looking forward to this process - but I'd rather live to tell about it.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Finding Out

It has been almost 2 weeks since I found out that I have a mass in my esophagus. I expected that the dr would find that my esophagus was inflamed and put a balloon down there and open it all up and I'd be just fine. Instead I woke up to the news that I could potentially have cancer.

It has been a week since I found out that I do have cancer.

It has been a roller coaster ever since.

I have good days and bad days; brave days and scared days; days when I'm terrified to lose my hair and days when I'm looking forward to a new head of hair. It is en experience in losing a good deal of control and of contrasts.

I meet with the oncologist this afternoon so I'll know more about my treatment....but at this point it seems that I will be going through 6-8 weeks of chemo and radiation to shrink the tumor so that they can remove it with a minimum of impact to my esophagus and stomach.

I am SO looking forward to dinner with friends tonite at Royal India. We haven't had Indian food for a long time...and I don't know when I'll get Indian again once all this starts.

I am so grateful for all of my friends and family who have been such bastians of hope and positive thoughts so far. I am always grateful for any and all prayers as I'm sure I will need all the help I can get through this difficult time.

I have had a couple of great pieces of advice since this all started.

First was from Mike Lea at NREL in Golden, CO. He told me that when I begin having bad or sad thoughts that I should just hit escape, escape and start with a new set of thoughts. Us computer people totally understand that! Thank you, Mike.

My Brother-in-Law, Daryl, told me to just make lemonade no matter what happens. His wife is a breast cancer survivor so he knows what he's talking about.

My friend Cynthia Griffin, a breast cancer survivor, has been a great resource of information, insight and support.

I am terrified and hopeful at the same time. I am so grateful for my wonderful husband who is like a rock and tells me it will all be okay and knows just how to hold me and make me feel terrific. I am so grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ and for the hope it brings to my life.